My Community + The Peony Project

When you think of a community, you may think of a unified group of individuals. Whether it be in a neighborhood, sorority, or even whom you consider your family.

I'm not exactly sure if the following qualifies but there are a few people that I feel unified with.

The first one I will mention is this guy right here:

My husband has been incredible! From the moment we met, he has given me 100% of his attention and has really been here to help me through many tough times. He has never judged me, even when I have done incredibly embarrassing things, and he even massages me when my back is in pain. I truly feel at home with him. The friendship we created, which led to dating, an engagement, marriage, and now parenthood, has really been what has kept us unified through the good and bad. Recently we encountered some bumps along our life road. Now, this has really affected me emotionally, well because I'm just an emotional woman! Through these trials, my hubby has really remained true to the communion we share and has done everything possible to lift me up and remind me that like all else, with God's help, we will get through this. I really don't know what I would be without my amazing husband. He is what I consider my community

Along with my husband,

I must also shine that spotlight on my parents...they have been incredible in every sense of the word. They have always been so supportive of my plans and dreams, no matter how crazy they may seem. They are truly great examples of what I hope to be for my daughter. When times have been difficult for my husband and I, my parents have always welcomed us with open arms and lent a helping hand. I will be forever grateful for everything they do for us and I'm glad they continue to be people we can lean on as part of our community.

______________________________________

I recently joined an awesome blogging community titled The Peony Project. In the short amount of time that I've been a part of this wonderful group, I have already felt at home. The Peony Project is a community for women who love Jesus, love blogging, and are looking for a common space to share ideas, encourage one another, and make real, honest friendships with one another. If you'd like to know more you can click here!

My heart is outside my body

I read the above quote once or twice before I had my daughter. I connected with it then. I continue to connect with it now...but things are different now.

Don't get me wrong...the feeling of life growing within you is intensely incredible and sometimes even unexplainable. But having your child before your eyes and between your arms completely knocks the pregnancy away.

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”- Elizabeth Stone

I understand this quote now. I don't only sympathize with it like I did before, or think it's beautiful. I feel it. This feeling is way more intense than feeling her kicks in my belly. This feeling is terrifying!

As I sit here and type away with my baby sound asleep in her bassinet, I look over to her and just feel....VULNERABLE.

I am so scared. You love something so small, so much, yet you have no control of many things that affect her. If she were to cry, she wouldn't be able to talk to me and tell me what is wrong. I have so many hopes of happiness for her life but all in all, I can only do so much. I can pray, wait and see what decisions she makes on her own throughout life.

It makes you reflect.

We are so selfish, we always want to be in control. Parenthood has brought me back to the thought and fact that I am nothing without God. I won't always be able to protect her in the way I'd like or follow her everywhere she goes.

She is me, my blood, my tears, my love.

I doubt this feeling of vulnerability will go away so this is where true faith and trust comes in....

Lord,

Please watch over her. Your reach is beyond mine and your strength surpasses all strength.
From her baby feet, to tiny steps to adult leaps...stay by her side.

It's true, you don't understand what it feels like to be a parent until your flesh and blood is in your arms and you feel vulnerable, scared, in love, amazed and happy all at once.

Wedding Day

Follow my blog with Bloglovin My wedding was held on September 28, 2014 on a warm fall (summer in CA) day!

We got married at Strathearn Historical Park in Simi Valley, CA.

The day was perfect!- maybe because I didn't take anything too seriously. I just enjoyed every moment and didn't worry about the little things. Oh my, there we're things that I now look back on and think, "How did I not pull out this person's hair?"

It was the perfect day for me and all-in-all, I married my best friend. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Details:

Dress was purchased at David's Bridal-Melissa Sweet

DIY- easy and budget friendly way to show the order of events. Hubby helped me paint it on. It was a 10 minute project on a wood pallet! 

Another DIY inexpensive way to do your seating arrangement while simmulating the look of a chalkboard. Used black foam core board, silver sharpie markers and ran a piece of chalk (flat) through it to achieve the look of a chalkboard.

DIY cloth material and burlap flowers.

Getting ready:

Ceremony:

Flower girls all wore lace dresses with cowboy boots =)

Walked down they aisle with my brother

First Look:

I added a picture of my brother (in heaven) onto my bouquet as a way to have him close to me during this special day.

Hope you enjoyed the few images from my wedding day! We had a blast and I loved how all the images came out. Photography is by Lindsey Lane Photography 

Mucho amor, Susana

The Most Important Audition of My Life

My audition began the day my daughter was born.

I am auditioning for the role of my daughters’ best friend. Now that seems a little odd and some might throw the “You need to be the mom not the friend” stone at me. But truth is you can be both. 

My mother is my best friend. She has been an incredible example of an amazing and strong woman and I am incredibly grateful for her life. I have such an incredible relationship with my mom. As years have passed and as I changed from child to young adult to a wife and mommy, I have grown closer and closer to my mother and have realized how all along, she has been my one true friend. My mother always listened without judgment, but the Mexican mother that she is; she always had some good and strong advice to give me. Maybe during my teenage years, I might have been bothered by her opinion or advice but still I came to her whenever I needed guidance. I have such great memories of hanging out with my mom and to this day, I enjoy going out to a mall day with her or just hanging out at her house.

My amazing mommy and I on my wedding day.

 I pray and hope that my daughter considers me for the role of best friend. It would mean the world to me. And though I might not seem like the coolest person at the time, I will always make her my #1 priority. I will wipe every tear and cherish every smile. I will always have her best interest at heart. 

So to my daughter:

I promise to always be there
I promise to take you to swim, piano, voice, ballet and dance class and sit there through the whole class cheering you on.
I promise to drop you off at school and help you with your homework
I promise to kiss your boo boos when you fall and hold you tight when your heart is sad
I promise to teach you everything I know
I PROMISE TO ENCOURAGE YOUR CREATIVITY AND SUPPORT YOU IN YOUR DREAMS
I promise to love you more and more each day
I promise to be here to listen even when you don’t want to talk
I promise to strive to be the best mother possible and above all else, In a time when it has become harder and harder for parents, I PROMISE TO BE PRESENT.

 Te amo mi princesa.

Ariana's Birth Story

Lets begin by saying that my original due date was August 16, 2014.

Ariana was born August 8, 2014
I was at risk of pre-eclampsia throughout this whole process

Ok now that we know that...

Two weeks prior to giving birth I was doing a routine of going in to get Non Stress Testing to check on both baby and I.  During those two weeks, I would literally get sent to Labor & Delivery EVERY SINGLE TIME I had an appointment. It was a mix of having contractions, extremely high blood pressure and the baby's heart rate unexpectedly dropping. This mix was a big no-no but they still kept me as an "observation" case. Finally on Tuesday August 5th, I was held for 24hrs to make sure that we we're both ok and that I didn't need special attention. After being released on Wednesday August 6th, I was ordered to go home and get some rest with my feet up (aren't all pregnant women ordered the same?) I still had an appointment the following day.

I went in to my regular appointment on August 7th, 2014 and as usual I got sent to L&D. (Luckily) My OB was the on call doctor that day in L&D and as soon as she saw me she said "I am so over you being in here and getting released over and over again. I'm just going to go ahead and induce you today."

Yup, as easy as that! Let me just say that my OB is pretty awesome, which is why she just makes decisions as easy as that lol.

Then the (long but short) process began at 11am. I was advised that this could take 2-3 days so there was no need to get all my family in a craze. I called my husband to let him know that I was going to be induced but it would take a while. I encouraged him to still make his way to school and that he would still be able to come back with plenty of time.

I was dilated to 1cm at this point so they wanted to get the process going. In comes "the balloon" or balloons I should say. This is a little tube that has 2 deflated balloons attached to them. One balloon gets placed under baby and the other in the middle of your cervix. Once placed inside, they fill the balloons with liquid. This in theory makes your cervix forcibly dilate. This process can take anywhere from 8-12 hours, so it was going to be a while.

During the time I had the balloon in, I began feeling much stronger contractions and I was encouraged to do much walking in order to help the baby really push herself down. During the hours I had the balloon in, I walked and showered with hot water and walked and walked. The pain was obviously like nothing I had felt before but also I didn't feel a need to scream or hurt anyone. I guess I must not be THAT dramatic.

After a while the midwife advised that it would still be a while and suggested my parents head home and get some rest, which they did. Shortly after my parents left, the midwife came back in to check on the balloon and, well it was ready to slip out. The balloons have the capability of making you dilate to 5cm and once you've reached that goal, they slip out. After taking it out, she checked me and advised that they would wait a tiny bit to see if I would continue contracting on my own.

After less than an hour, the midwife came and let me know that it didn't look like much was happening and that they would be breaking my water shortly. My nurse came in and let me know to go ahead and call my parents (whom were just getting into bed) and let them know to head back. My nurse also suggested that I get the epidural now before they break my water. I had nothing to prove, I'm not the woman warrior so....bring on the epidural.

The tech put the catheter in for the epidural and it felt like heaven, I couldn't feel a thing aaaand I even managed to play a joke on him before he left the room. Shortly after, the midwife came in, broke my water and placed pitocin in my I.V. My parents made their way back but still no baby. After a while of tons of contractions and no more dilating doctors were panicked because Ariana's heart was STILL dropping. They connected me to the oxygen and let me know that they did not like how things were looking and that it was very likely that I would have to deliver via C-section. They set a countdown of one hour, within this hour my blood pressure would need to drop enough to be considered normal and Ariana's heart would need to remain stabilized with every contraction.

This hour was the worst by far! In this final hour I began feeling strong contractions. They were so strong that I could feel them at equal intensity as the first 5cm. Keep in mind that I already had the epidural and this pain was surpassing all the anesthesia. I noticed that the baby's heart would continue to drop dramatically so I would breathe frantically in order to find a way for her heart to stay up during every contraction. The hour felt like 5 minutes! Finally my OB (I was surprised she was still on call) rushed in with the midwife and about 6 or 7 nurses. They quickly turned the lights on and began unplugging everything. My OB looked genuinely worried and she stated that I was being rushed for an emergency C-section. She decided to check me before moving me over to the operating room and noticed there was a large amount of bleeding and stated that I was already dilated to 10cm! She also mentioned that the baby had turned away from the proper position for birth so...she began turning the baby! Yup, I didn't feel anything because of the epidural but I imagine it would have felt as crazy as it looked. One hand inside manipulating the baby and the other pushing my stomach!

Once she determined the baby was fine, they rushed me to the operating room. At this point only my husband could accompany me. My parents stayed behind supporting me in prayer. They took me to the O.R. and explained the risks of a C-section surgery and had me sign my life away (pretty much thats what I understood). I tried as much as possible to remain calm but the nurse had given me medicine to stop my contractions--the side effects were shakiness so it was hard to stay calm while your body is shaking uncontrollably. They left only my I.V. fluids, oxygen and baby monitor for a total of 2 minutes. During this time my OB determined that the baby was stable enough and gave me the option to try for natural delivery.

The option was given this way-

• I will give you one chance to push
• People are scared of pooping, I guarantee you won't poop and if you do, we don't care
• If you push and the baby gets stuck halfway, we will use the vacuum to get her out
• If you can't get the baby out we will do surgery here

That was enough of an incentive for me to push with all my might. OB told me to let her know when I felt a contraction and when I was ready to push. I completed a total of 3 pushes and Ariana Raquel was born. 

Unfortunately I wasn't able to put her on my chest at that time because they needed to check her in under the NICU to make sure she was fine and daddy got to spend that time with her. I had to...well get put back together and that took about 40 minutes. Once the baby was labeled as "in great health" the whole staff in the operating room sang "Happy Birthday" to her! That was such an awesome and unexpected gesture. 

All in all the pregnancy,labor,delivery and recovery was tough but I thank God for keeping the baby and I safe. The staff at the hospital was nothing short of amazing with me throughout the whole process! I was afraid that the horror stories of nurses being rude or inattentive would happen to me but thankfully we had none of that. I was able to pass out cookies to all the staff and a special gift to my OB who is also pregnant and having a baby girl!

I love my little miracle more than anything and hubby is such a great daddy to her, you can tell she's gonna have him wrapped around her fingers!

After my 6 week check-up, I am more thankful than before. My OB explained the fear all the staff was going through during my labor and how serious things really were. She congratulated me on how strong and calm I remained and said that patients like me are the reason why she keeps doing what she does.

I thank God for any strength I gathered and I thank him again for the little princess he gifted us.

 with grandpa

wearing daddy's glasses

-Susana

3rd Trimester & Pre-Eclampsia

Ok so the 3rd trimester was deffinately the toughest! First I had to take the gestational diabetes test again and failed. This meant that I had to take a longer 3 hour test which consisted of me drinking a heavily sugary drink and having my blood drawn 4 times in those 3 hours. Thankfully I passed this time which meant I did not have diabetes.

I continued to pack on the pounds and heavily! Because I was at risk for pre-eclampsia, I began to see many signs that this was coming true. I would gain about 8 pounds a week of water weight. My legs became so huge it was hard to walk. Although I had a very lovely baby shower, that was about all the fun I had this close to my due date. My blood pressure started going through the roof and I began having contractions at week 30. Baby was positioned as well and I was dilated to 1cm for the majority of my last trimester. I will share the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy on an upcoming post. For now, I'll share a couple of nice shots from the baby shower.

Most of the baby shower was DIY

Burlap banner with baby's name is DIY as well as the ruffle garland in the back!

Drinking from Mason jars

Baby shower favors are candy filled painted baby food jars. Super easy and inexpensive!

2nd Trimester & High Risk

The second trimester is supposed to be when the morning sickness gets kicked to the curb.

Not so much in my case. I was still having regular visits to the E.R. and it was still hard to keep anything down. 

They recommended I take a test that would allow my OB to see if I or the baby we're at risk of any other problems. Due to the fact that I have a history of high blood pressure, I was already predisposed to having something else attached to it. 

Sure enough, test results showed that I was at risk of Pre-Eclampsia. My pregnancy was already labeled as high risk, but this just pushed that title further. 

Work became more and more difficult as I had more doctors appointments and I still felt quite ill. Although my boss was quite understanding, his patience grew thin and he began to show his annoyance of my situation. As my stress level from work and the pregnancy grew higher, my husband and I made the decision that it was time for me to leave work. Our baby was always priority #1 and there was no reason to continue having the stress of work on my shoulders. I had a fear of realizing too late that I could have done something to reduce any stress I had, (at least the ones I could actually do something about).

On a positive note, during my 2nd trimester, we found out we were having a baby girl!

I finally began to show a little more!

1st Trimester & Zofran

Once I found out I was pregnant, all the sleeping made sense. What I was not excited about was the nausea. I do not understand why they call it "morning sickness". For me, it was an all day sickness. I could not keep anything down and was miserable. I remember having to wake up even earlier for work in order to fit in all the time that puking would set me back. While at work it was hard to keep it under control and now and then my manager would be so annoyed with seeing me run to the bathroom or basically have no color in my face that he would send me home.

I paid a few visits to the E.R. due to the fact that I was dehydrated and loosing all kinds of nutrients my body needed.

For my birthday I thought I was well enough to go to Vegas with my husband and parents. Well most of that time was spent hurling my guts as well.

Thankfully I was shortly prescribed the saving pill of Zofran! This pill was meant to help with all the throwing up although at this point it didn't take much effect, it plays a bigger part down the road. 

Quick! Bun in the oven!

So we wasted no time to start a family. Well in all reality, I believe we waited 6 weeks, not bad!

We had talked about having a family and decided that we would put it in God's hands when he would allow us to be parents. That turned out to be rather soon. 

I knew I was pregnant mainly because I got sleepy! I don't mean regular sleepy when you stayed up late and could use a nap. I mean like I would get home from work and fall asleep until 9pm, wake up use the bathroom and go back down! That seemed a little odd but we hadn't taken a test yet.

We finally took a pregnancy test and it came back negative...I guess it was too early to be read on the test. That same week I got hired in as permanent to the job I was working. Part of the deal was that I needed to go get a physical in order to complete the hiring process. At the physical exam they mentioned that they needed to do a chest x-ray----no! I mentioned that although I was unsure if I was pregnant, I felt uneasy about having an x-ray until I was positive that I wasn't. They understood and mentioned that I can come back in a few days once I was sure.

Thank God I waited! I took another pregnancy test that same day and sure enough...PREGO!

We really were sooooo excited!

Here is my hubby being silly with the positive pregnancy test!

We obviously waited until the 1st trimester was complete before we shared the news with anyone other than close friends and family. 

We had Lindsey Lane Photography help us with our pregnancy announcement pictures!