My heart is outside my body

I read the above quote once or twice before I had my daughter. I connected with it then. I continue to connect with it now...but things are different now.

Don't get me wrong...the feeling of life growing within you is intensely incredible and sometimes even unexplainable. But having your child before your eyes and between your arms completely knocks the pregnancy away.

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”- Elizabeth Stone

I understand this quote now. I don't only sympathize with it like I did before, or think it's beautiful. I feel it. This feeling is way more intense than feeling her kicks in my belly. This feeling is terrifying!

As I sit here and type away with my baby sound asleep in her bassinet, I look over to her and just feel....VULNERABLE.

I am so scared. You love something so small, so much, yet you have no control of many things that affect her. If she were to cry, she wouldn't be able to talk to me and tell me what is wrong. I have so many hopes of happiness for her life but all in all, I can only do so much. I can pray, wait and see what decisions she makes on her own throughout life.

It makes you reflect.

We are so selfish, we always want to be in control. Parenthood has brought me back to the thought and fact that I am nothing without God. I won't always be able to protect her in the way I'd like or follow her everywhere she goes.

She is me, my blood, my tears, my love.

I doubt this feeling of vulnerability will go away so this is where true faith and trust comes in....

Lord,

Please watch over her. Your reach is beyond mine and your strength surpasses all strength.
From her baby feet, to tiny steps to adult leaps...stay by her side.

It's true, you don't understand what it feels like to be a parent until your flesh and blood is in your arms and you feel vulnerable, scared, in love, amazed and happy all at once.

Gaining self confidence & Believing in yourself

I really really enjoy social media! I love to post pictures on instagram (@hurrayimamommy). I love youtube and I enjoy Facebook.

I must admit that the only one I had stayed away from for all these years was Twitter but...now you can find me under @hurrayimamommy  lol, anyway I do love me some social apps.

If you know me, then you also know that I enjoy anything related to beauty and hair, for goodness sake, I worked for a cosmetics company for 6 years! I've actually have been asked by friends and co-workers in the past, to create a youtube channel and start posting tutorials.

I never gathered up enough confidence to do it (start a blog and youtube channel) though and recently I figured out why.

I was afraid of what people would say. Specifically some friends. Its hard to admit but sometimes your "closest" friends and family are the ones who search to put you down the most. As if they don't want you to succeed. These friends and family are the ones that through the years, I have noticed only choose to include me or my family if it is to their benefit. I'm pretty sure that isn't the way its supposed to work out.

In the past I have had a lack of confidence because I have been judged for posting anything good that happens to me. For example, if my husband manages to buy me a purse for my birthday and I share this with "friends" then I get basically electronically stoned for bragging. If I share a make-up look I enjoy or fashion statement, then words are said behind my back. I've even been judged for showing too much Facebook love to my husband...are you serious?!?

As an adult and a mom, I now have come to realize that I have allowed people around me to dictate my happiness and success. I could have started doing what I enjoy so long ago, but I won't dwell in the past. This new version of me doesn't care for any Negative Nancys', Party Poopers' or Doubting Debbies'. This new version is going to give this a shot.

Years ago, I took private vocal lessons with an extraordinary woman whom I greatly admire, not only as professional but as a teacher and friend. During her class, she would do an exercise where you had to sing with your "big girl voice". If you did not manage to lose your shyness and bring this voice out, then she would help you feel like that "big girl" by putting a viking hat on your head. Yup, a Viking hat!

I encourage you to branch out and do what you've had in the back of your mind to do for so long. Be it create a Youtube video, take a class, teach a class, learn to dance, sing, etc. Don't let other people have control over YOUR life. Its yours and you CAN do it.

As long as I make my family proud, then I will continue to believe in myself and from this day forward, THE VIKING HAT IS ON!

(Thank you T!)