My Community + The Peony Project

When you think of a community, you may think of a unified group of individuals. Whether it be in a neighborhood, sorority, or even whom you consider your family.

I'm not exactly sure if the following qualifies but there are a few people that I feel unified with.

The first one I will mention is this guy right here:

My husband has been incredible! From the moment we met, he has given me 100% of his attention and has really been here to help me through many tough times. He has never judged me, even when I have done incredibly embarrassing things, and he even massages me when my back is in pain. I truly feel at home with him. The friendship we created, which led to dating, an engagement, marriage, and now parenthood, has really been what has kept us unified through the good and bad. Recently we encountered some bumps along our life road. Now, this has really affected me emotionally, well because I'm just an emotional woman! Through these trials, my hubby has really remained true to the communion we share and has done everything possible to lift me up and remind me that like all else, with God's help, we will get through this. I really don't know what I would be without my amazing husband. He is what I consider my community

Along with my husband,

I must also shine that spotlight on my parents...they have been incredible in every sense of the word. They have always been so supportive of my plans and dreams, no matter how crazy they may seem. They are truly great examples of what I hope to be for my daughter. When times have been difficult for my husband and I, my parents have always welcomed us with open arms and lent a helping hand. I will be forever grateful for everything they do for us and I'm glad they continue to be people we can lean on as part of our community.

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I recently joined an awesome blogging community titled The Peony Project. In the short amount of time that I've been a part of this wonderful group, I have already felt at home. The Peony Project is a community for women who love Jesus, love blogging, and are looking for a common space to share ideas, encourage one another, and make real, honest friendships with one another. If you'd like to know more you can click here!

My heart is outside my body

I read the above quote once or twice before I had my daughter. I connected with it then. I continue to connect with it now...but things are different now.

Don't get me wrong...the feeling of life growing within you is intensely incredible and sometimes even unexplainable. But having your child before your eyes and between your arms completely knocks the pregnancy away.

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”- Elizabeth Stone

I understand this quote now. I don't only sympathize with it like I did before, or think it's beautiful. I feel it. This feeling is way more intense than feeling her kicks in my belly. This feeling is terrifying!

As I sit here and type away with my baby sound asleep in her bassinet, I look over to her and just feel....VULNERABLE.

I am so scared. You love something so small, so much, yet you have no control of many things that affect her. If she were to cry, she wouldn't be able to talk to me and tell me what is wrong. I have so many hopes of happiness for her life but all in all, I can only do so much. I can pray, wait and see what decisions she makes on her own throughout life.

It makes you reflect.

We are so selfish, we always want to be in control. Parenthood has brought me back to the thought and fact that I am nothing without God. I won't always be able to protect her in the way I'd like or follow her everywhere she goes.

She is me, my blood, my tears, my love.

I doubt this feeling of vulnerability will go away so this is where true faith and trust comes in....

Lord,

Please watch over her. Your reach is beyond mine and your strength surpasses all strength.
From her baby feet, to tiny steps to adult leaps...stay by her side.

It's true, you don't understand what it feels like to be a parent until your flesh and blood is in your arms and you feel vulnerable, scared, in love, amazed and happy all at once.