I read the above quote once or twice before I had my daughter. I connected with it then. I continue to connect with it now...but things are different now.
Don't get me wrong...the feeling of life growing within you is intensely incredible and sometimes even unexplainable. But having your child before your eyes and between your arms completely knocks the pregnancy away.
“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”- Elizabeth Stone
I understand this quote now. I don't only sympathize with it like I did before, or think it's beautiful. I feel it. This feeling is way more intense than feeling her kicks in my belly. This feeling is terrifying!
As I sit here and type away with my baby sound asleep in her bassinet, I look over to her and just feel....VULNERABLE.
I am so scared. You love something so small, so much, yet you have no control of many things that affect her. If she were to cry, she wouldn't be able to talk to me and tell me what is wrong. I have so many hopes of happiness for her life but all in all, I can only do so much. I can pray, wait and see what decisions she makes on her own throughout life.
It makes you reflect.
We are so selfish, we always want to be in control. Parenthood has brought me back to the thought and fact that I am nothing without God. I won't always be able to protect her in the way I'd like or follow her everywhere she goes.
She is me, my blood, my tears, my love.
I doubt this feeling of vulnerability will go away so this is where true faith and trust comes in....
Lord,
Please watch over her. Your reach is beyond mine and your strength surpasses all strength.
From her baby feet, to tiny steps to adult leaps...stay by her side.
It's true, you don't understand what it feels like to be a parent until your flesh and blood is in your arms and you feel vulnerable, scared, in love, amazed and happy all at once.
No comments:
Post a Comment