My Community + The Peony Project

When you think of a community, you may think of a unified group of individuals. Whether it be in a neighborhood, sorority, or even whom you consider your family.

I'm not exactly sure if the following qualifies but there are a few people that I feel unified with.

The first one I will mention is this guy right here:

My husband has been incredible! From the moment we met, he has given me 100% of his attention and has really been here to help me through many tough times. He has never judged me, even when I have done incredibly embarrassing things, and he even massages me when my back is in pain. I truly feel at home with him. The friendship we created, which led to dating, an engagement, marriage, and now parenthood, has really been what has kept us unified through the good and bad. Recently we encountered some bumps along our life road. Now, this has really affected me emotionally, well because I'm just an emotional woman! Through these trials, my hubby has really remained true to the communion we share and has done everything possible to lift me up and remind me that like all else, with God's help, we will get through this. I really don't know what I would be without my amazing husband. He is what I consider my community

Along with my husband,

I must also shine that spotlight on my parents...they have been incredible in every sense of the word. They have always been so supportive of my plans and dreams, no matter how crazy they may seem. They are truly great examples of what I hope to be for my daughter. When times have been difficult for my husband and I, my parents have always welcomed us with open arms and lent a helping hand. I will be forever grateful for everything they do for us and I'm glad they continue to be people we can lean on as part of our community.

______________________________________

I recently joined an awesome blogging community titled The Peony Project. In the short amount of time that I've been a part of this wonderful group, I have already felt at home. The Peony Project is a community for women who love Jesus, love blogging, and are looking for a common space to share ideas, encourage one another, and make real, honest friendships with one another. If you'd like to know more you can click here!

Having a baby vs owning a puppy

Recently my husband mentioned to me how a mutual friend of ours tried to compare and relate owning a puppy to having a baby. Keep in mind this friend is married but does not yet have children. I still remember the face I made when my husband began to tell me about the conversation, (I'm sure I have pretty prominent frown lines now).

His friend owns a puppy
We have (parent) a baby

The conversation came about when my husband mentioned that many new fatherly duties have made him extremely tired yet incredibly happy, to which his friend responded that he could relate (you know, with his puppy and all). My husband tried to explain how the two didn't compare, but his friend insisted that the two are quite alike...

*Full Disclosure*

I own a very very spoiled Yorkie whom I had since she was 6 weeks old, so I am definitely not hating on puppies here.

How can the comparison exist?

• You CAN leave to work and leave your puppy at home with a bowl of food and pee pad.
• You CAN'T leave a baby unattended...ever! Not to mention that babies need to eat every 2 hours, more or less. 

• You CAN leave a pee pad for your dog to pee on periodically throughout the day.
• You CAN'T leave a baby sitting in their own pee or poo. Not to mention that the cost of diapers is it's own conversation considering that on occasions our baby will go through a little less than 100 diapers in one week.

• You CAN indulge in at least 5 hours of interrupted sleep while your puppy sleeps comfortably on their own bed. If you are unlucky, you might have the OCCASIONAL puppy crier who just want to come on the bed, but once they're up on the bed...all is well.
• You CAN'T always have 4 hours of straight sleep. Babies wake up because they're hungry and well I'm the pumping food supply. My husband warms and prepares a bottle and I get to pump...at any given hour of the night. Baby's diaper also needs to be changed at this time and calming songs may come in handy while she waits (cries hysterically) for her milk to come. 

I could really go on and on, but instead, I'll highlight a few of the perks of being a parent (even with bags under my eyes)

• Our daughter is the result of the love between my husband and I.
• It is incredible to realize that this being grew within me and now as she is before our eyes, we can see little characteristics that completely resemble both my husband and I.
• I went through a rough pregnancy, labor and delivery just to be able to hold this miracle and that's only the beginning of things I would do for her. 
• I praise God for the gift of being a Mommy and accept the huge responsibility of shaping this tiny human into a warrior, teaching her to take on life and fulfill her dreams.

All in all, there is just no comparison and I know that when this friend decides to start a family...He too will realize why I would take offense to his comment.

My heart is outside my body

I read the above quote once or twice before I had my daughter. I connected with it then. I continue to connect with it now...but things are different now.

Don't get me wrong...the feeling of life growing within you is intensely incredible and sometimes even unexplainable. But having your child before your eyes and between your arms completely knocks the pregnancy away.

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”- Elizabeth Stone

I understand this quote now. I don't only sympathize with it like I did before, or think it's beautiful. I feel it. This feeling is way more intense than feeling her kicks in my belly. This feeling is terrifying!

As I sit here and type away with my baby sound asleep in her bassinet, I look over to her and just feel....VULNERABLE.

I am so scared. You love something so small, so much, yet you have no control of many things that affect her. If she were to cry, she wouldn't be able to talk to me and tell me what is wrong. I have so many hopes of happiness for her life but all in all, I can only do so much. I can pray, wait and see what decisions she makes on her own throughout life.

It makes you reflect.

We are so selfish, we always want to be in control. Parenthood has brought me back to the thought and fact that I am nothing without God. I won't always be able to protect her in the way I'd like or follow her everywhere she goes.

She is me, my blood, my tears, my love.

I doubt this feeling of vulnerability will go away so this is where true faith and trust comes in....

Lord,

Please watch over her. Your reach is beyond mine and your strength surpasses all strength.
From her baby feet, to tiny steps to adult leaps...stay by her side.

It's true, you don't understand what it feels like to be a parent until your flesh and blood is in your arms and you feel vulnerable, scared, in love, amazed and happy all at once.

For Mom and Dad

Today marks your 31st wedding anniversary!

Young, young love

Married and just as much as in love

On my wedding day

WOW

I wanted to dedicate this post to you.

• Thanks to you, I am the woman that I am today. 

• Thank you for always believing in me and supporting the creative decisions I've made. 

• Thank you for being the best example of what a marriage should be.
• Thank you for setting the bar high when it comes to being a parent.
• Thank you for always putting your children first in every aspect of life.
• Thank you for showing unconditional love.
• Thank you for always being here/there.

I hope to make it to as many years in marriage as you have. And like you, I hope to be an example to my children of what true love is. 

I'm lucky that my daughter has you as her grandparents :)

I love you two!

I pray you have many many many more years of happy marriage! 

Simple & Cute Baby Accessories

As far back as I remember, I have always worn accessories. As a child I always had bows, headbands or hats on my head. Later on I added tons and tons of necklaces (I never thought 2 we're enough).

Naturally I was super excited at the thought of having a baby girl! A chance to create embarrassing moments for her when she's older by putting insanely huge bows or flowers in her hair. (see below)

Usually, I make my baby's headbands and to be honest, she might have more than she should (considering she is only 8 weeks old). Yet still, I will continue with my hair accessory obsession.

I had been looking to possibly make my baby some knotted headbands for a while but I never found the time to go shop for material or to really sit down and give it a go. I recently came across a cute local SoCal Etsy shop that sells hair accessories, creates custom orders and is totally affordable. The name is Dimpled Cutie Creations

I went ahead and purchased a total of 4 headbands from this shop and totally love them all! To top it off, the seller was super friendly and responded quickly to any questions I had. My most important concern was making sure that the headbands would be comfortable and soft for Ariana's head, since I've come across some very uncomfortable looking hair accessories for babies.

Another super cute and awesome thing this shop offers is Mommy and Me headbands, how cute is that? I'll probably be looking into that next!

Here is my baby girl with one of the headbands!

And here are the other styles I purchased!

If you want to check them out, you can find them through the following links

https://www.facebook.com/DimpledCutieCreations
http://instagram.com/dimpledcutiecreations
https://www.etsy.com/shop/DimpledCutieCreation

Ariana's Birth Story

Lets begin by saying that my original due date was August 16, 2014.

Ariana was born August 8, 2014
I was at risk of pre-eclampsia throughout this whole process

Ok now that we know that...

Two weeks prior to giving birth I was doing a routine of going in to get Non Stress Testing to check on both baby and I.  During those two weeks, I would literally get sent to Labor & Delivery EVERY SINGLE TIME I had an appointment. It was a mix of having contractions, extremely high blood pressure and the baby's heart rate unexpectedly dropping. This mix was a big no-no but they still kept me as an "observation" case. Finally on Tuesday August 5th, I was held for 24hrs to make sure that we we're both ok and that I didn't need special attention. After being released on Wednesday August 6th, I was ordered to go home and get some rest with my feet up (aren't all pregnant women ordered the same?) I still had an appointment the following day.

I went in to my regular appointment on August 7th, 2014 and as usual I got sent to L&D. (Luckily) My OB was the on call doctor that day in L&D and as soon as she saw me she said "I am so over you being in here and getting released over and over again. I'm just going to go ahead and induce you today."

Yup, as easy as that! Let me just say that my OB is pretty awesome, which is why she just makes decisions as easy as that lol.

Then the (long but short) process began at 11am. I was advised that this could take 2-3 days so there was no need to get all my family in a craze. I called my husband to let him know that I was going to be induced but it would take a while. I encouraged him to still make his way to school and that he would still be able to come back with plenty of time.

I was dilated to 1cm at this point so they wanted to get the process going. In comes "the balloon" or balloons I should say. This is a little tube that has 2 deflated balloons attached to them. One balloon gets placed under baby and the other in the middle of your cervix. Once placed inside, they fill the balloons with liquid. This in theory makes your cervix forcibly dilate. This process can take anywhere from 8-12 hours, so it was going to be a while.

During the time I had the balloon in, I began feeling much stronger contractions and I was encouraged to do much walking in order to help the baby really push herself down. During the hours I had the balloon in, I walked and showered with hot water and walked and walked. The pain was obviously like nothing I had felt before but also I didn't feel a need to scream or hurt anyone. I guess I must not be THAT dramatic.

After a while the midwife advised that it would still be a while and suggested my parents head home and get some rest, which they did. Shortly after my parents left, the midwife came back in to check on the balloon and, well it was ready to slip out. The balloons have the capability of making you dilate to 5cm and once you've reached that goal, they slip out. After taking it out, she checked me and advised that they would wait a tiny bit to see if I would continue contracting on my own.

After less than an hour, the midwife came and let me know that it didn't look like much was happening and that they would be breaking my water shortly. My nurse came in and let me know to go ahead and call my parents (whom were just getting into bed) and let them know to head back. My nurse also suggested that I get the epidural now before they break my water. I had nothing to prove, I'm not the woman warrior so....bring on the epidural.

The tech put the catheter in for the epidural and it felt like heaven, I couldn't feel a thing aaaand I even managed to play a joke on him before he left the room. Shortly after, the midwife came in, broke my water and placed pitocin in my I.V. My parents made their way back but still no baby. After a while of tons of contractions and no more dilating doctors were panicked because Ariana's heart was STILL dropping. They connected me to the oxygen and let me know that they did not like how things were looking and that it was very likely that I would have to deliver via C-section. They set a countdown of one hour, within this hour my blood pressure would need to drop enough to be considered normal and Ariana's heart would need to remain stabilized with every contraction.

This hour was the worst by far! In this final hour I began feeling strong contractions. They were so strong that I could feel them at equal intensity as the first 5cm. Keep in mind that I already had the epidural and this pain was surpassing all the anesthesia. I noticed that the baby's heart would continue to drop dramatically so I would breathe frantically in order to find a way for her heart to stay up during every contraction. The hour felt like 5 minutes! Finally my OB (I was surprised she was still on call) rushed in with the midwife and about 6 or 7 nurses. They quickly turned the lights on and began unplugging everything. My OB looked genuinely worried and she stated that I was being rushed for an emergency C-section. She decided to check me before moving me over to the operating room and noticed there was a large amount of bleeding and stated that I was already dilated to 10cm! She also mentioned that the baby had turned away from the proper position for birth so...she began turning the baby! Yup, I didn't feel anything because of the epidural but I imagine it would have felt as crazy as it looked. One hand inside manipulating the baby and the other pushing my stomach!

Once she determined the baby was fine, they rushed me to the operating room. At this point only my husband could accompany me. My parents stayed behind supporting me in prayer. They took me to the O.R. and explained the risks of a C-section surgery and had me sign my life away (pretty much thats what I understood). I tried as much as possible to remain calm but the nurse had given me medicine to stop my contractions--the side effects were shakiness so it was hard to stay calm while your body is shaking uncontrollably. They left only my I.V. fluids, oxygen and baby monitor for a total of 2 minutes. During this time my OB determined that the baby was stable enough and gave me the option to try for natural delivery.

The option was given this way-

• I will give you one chance to push
• People are scared of pooping, I guarantee you won't poop and if you do, we don't care
• If you push and the baby gets stuck halfway, we will use the vacuum to get her out
• If you can't get the baby out we will do surgery here

That was enough of an incentive for me to push with all my might. OB told me to let her know when I felt a contraction and when I was ready to push. I completed a total of 3 pushes and Ariana Raquel was born. 

Unfortunately I wasn't able to put her on my chest at that time because they needed to check her in under the NICU to make sure she was fine and daddy got to spend that time with her. I had to...well get put back together and that took about 40 minutes. Once the baby was labeled as "in great health" the whole staff in the operating room sang "Happy Birthday" to her! That was such an awesome and unexpected gesture. 

All in all the pregnancy,labor,delivery and recovery was tough but I thank God for keeping the baby and I safe. The staff at the hospital was nothing short of amazing with me throughout the whole process! I was afraid that the horror stories of nurses being rude or inattentive would happen to me but thankfully we had none of that. I was able to pass out cookies to all the staff and a special gift to my OB who is also pregnant and having a baby girl!

I love my little miracle more than anything and hubby is such a great daddy to her, you can tell she's gonna have him wrapped around her fingers!

After my 6 week check-up, I am more thankful than before. My OB explained the fear all the staff was going through during my labor and how serious things really were. She congratulated me on how strong and calm I remained and said that patients like me are the reason why she keeps doing what she does.

I thank God for any strength I gathered and I thank him again for the little princess he gifted us.

 with grandpa

wearing daddy's glasses

-Susana